Payday lending; auto title lending; sketchy mortgages that increase instead of decrease; selling hard liquor at the grocery store… these are all activities that are perfectly legal in my hometown of Chicago, but not in New York City, my current place of residence.

That got me wondering. What is illegal in Chicago?

I present the following list:

1) Putting things on window sills. Yeah. It really is that windy. That’s why it’s illegal to put a flower pot on your window sill without tying it down.

Chicago Municipal Code 8-4-200 Objects on sills or railings.
It shall be unlawful for any person to place or keep on any window-sill, railing, or balcony, top of porch, or any other projection from any house or other building in the city, any flower pot, wooden box, bowl, pitcher, or other article or thing unless the same is securely and firmly fastened or protected so as to render it impossible for any such pot, bowl, pitcher or other article to fall into the public way. Any person violating this section shall be fined not more than $50.00 for each offense. (Prior code 193-13)

2) Being Batman. The new Batman movies are shot in Chicago, but it used to be illegal to be Batman.

Chicago Municipal Code8-4-170 Masking in public.
It shall be unlawful for any person with the city to appear in public in any mask, cap, cowl, hood or other thing concealing the identity of the wearer; provided, that the provision of this section shall not apply to persons attending or taking part in carnivals, mask balls, public shows, entertainments, or celebrations in the city, or under permission of the proper authorities of said city, nor to any person holding a written permit issued by the mayor. (Prior code 193-9) (repealed)

3) Throwing beer bottles at terrible athletic teams of all types. I’m not sure if this reflects more on the fans or the teams. Or the parents.

Chicago Municipal Code 8-4-190 Throwing objects on athletic fields.
No person shall throw, drop, or place upon any baseball park, athletic field, or other place where games are played any bottle or other glass receptacle or any broken bottle or other broken instrument or thing. Any person violating any of the provisions of this section shall be fined not less than $25.00 nor more than $200.00 for each offense. (Prior code 193-12)

4) Stealing the Mayor’s Lawn
Imagine the amount of sod theft that went on before this law was passed.

Chicago Municipal Code 8-4-280 Removing sod or earth.
No person shall dig, cut, or remove any sod or earth from any public way within the city without a permit from the commissioner of transportation, or from any other public place within the city without a permit from the commissioner of general services, or from any premises not his own without the consent of the owner, under a penalty of not less than $50.00 for each offense. (Prior code 193-21; Amend. Coun. J. 12-11-91,p. 10832)

5) Defrauding people with “crafty science”
The term “crafty science” is a winner.

Chicago Municipal Code 8-4-300 Fraud through spiritualism.
No person shall hold or give any public or private meeting, gathering, circle, or seance of any kind of the name of spiritualism. or of any other religious body, society, cult, or denomination, and therein practice, or permit to be practiced, fraud or deception of any kind.

No person shall obtain money or property form another by fraudulent devices and practices in the name of, or by means of, spirit mediumship, palmistry, card reading, astrology, seer-ship, or like crafty science, or fortune-telling of any kind.

Any person violating any provision of this section shall be fined not less than $25.00 nor more than $100.00 for each offense. (Prior code 193-22)

6) Giving Directions to The Whore House
If you know where there be a whore house, you cannot tell people.

Chicago Municipal Code 8-8-020 Directing persons to houses of ill-fame.

No person knowingly shall direct, take, transport, or offer to direct, take, or transport, any person for immoral purposes to any other person, or assist any person by any means to seek or to find any prostitute or other person engaged in immoral practices, or any brothel, bawdy house, or any other place of ill-fame.

Any person that shall violate the provisions of this section shall be fined not less than $100.00 nor more than $400.00 for each offense.

(Prior code § 192-2; Amend Coun. J. 9-4-02, p. 92888, § 1)

7) Selling Liquor Next To A Library, Unless You Are Big Grocery Store Next To A Small Library, Or A Restaurant, Or A Theater With A Restaurant In The Same Building…Or…

This is essentially Chicago’s only liquor law. You can buy wine at Target.

Chicago Municipal Code 4-60-020 License required – Restricted areas.

(d)In addition to the restrictions cited in Section 6-11 of the Illinois Liquor Control Act of 1934, as amended, no license shall be issued for the sale of retail alcoholic liquor within 100 feet of any library, with the exception of the main libraries, open to the public, excluding streets, alleys and public ways; provided, however, that this limitation shall not apply to a restaurant and theater housed in separate rooms of the same building, if the theater seats not less than 275 persons for a single performance, and if the restaurant has a legal occupancy of not less than 100 persons, and if the building is separated from the library by a public way not less than 66 feet in width. …In addition, the limitation shall not apply to a package goods license to be issued for a full service grocery store that is located within 100 feet of a public library that has less than 6,000 square feet of floor area, if the grocery store exceeds 50,000 square feet in floor area, where the display space for alcoholic liquor does not exceed 25 percent of the floor area of the store, and both the library and the grocery store are located in a shopping mall consisting of 23.8 acres.

8 ) Selling Or Giving Away Noisy Toys
A brilliant law.

Chicago Municipal Code 7-36-070 Noise restrictions.

(a) No toy may be sold or offered for sale, or given away without compensation, which produces noise on a continuous basis exceeding 85 decibels on the A scale, slow mode of operation, as measured one foot distance from said toy; no form of toy gun, rifle, or other such device which produces noise on an impulse or explosive basis exceeding 100 decibels as measured on the A scale, fast mode of operation as measured one foot distance from said toy gun or other explosive device.

(Prior code § 100.1-7)

The Chicago Municipal Code [City of Chicago]